The doctors always say that it's good to write it out or to start a journal. I figure the doctor's make the big bucks, they know what they are talking about, right? So here we go!
First of all, an update on Rachel. She is making small improvements each day. Today, Sunday, we are waiting for Rachel to be taken away for an MRI. We know that this won't answer all or any questions, but the hope that we can learn a bit more is definitely needed. She had a special "bolt" inserted into the top of her head that shows the brain pressure/swelling. This number has remained at a low and stable level, which provided two things - the removal of the "bolt" and the ability for an MRI. We wait patiently now for this MRI to happen in several hours. We have watched little twitches and small signs that give us hope. We have seen positive responses to her "neuro" tests that the nurses administer every few hours. On the flip side, we do continue to learn about some internal injuries that are present as well - a torn liver, some extensive bruising and some damage around the eye area. These are secondary concerns until her brain continues and finishes its healing process.
I've titled this blog "My Sitcom Life" because some days I feel like my life is like a sitcom. I can't believe how many times I've felt like my life has been plucked right out of a sitcom. Being a stay-at-home mom of three young children, you find yourself in many amusing situations that you don't believe can happen to you. This week has been like an episode of "Jerry Springer". The waiting room that we are in is not very family friendly. It becomes your home away from home. The chairs are somewhat comfortable, but it is not large by any means. You find when a tragedy like this happens, it becomes a family reunion. We have had many family members stop through here, some in which we haven't seen in quite a while. So, we share this waiting room with several other families with the similar situations. Tensions can get high due to stress and sleep deprivation. So, one night tensions were rising as a new family arrived in the middle of the night. They were quite loud and woke many up in the process. As the day wore on, we found that we needed to move to a different area because of noise and feeling squeezed out. (Strike 2). As evening approached, there became some dispute over the lights (yeah, you read that right, the lights). It was literally like a scene from Jerry Springer. As I removed my mom from the situation, security was called. They were on the lookout for two women that ran away. So things settled down a bit for the night, but the next morning it started right back up again. Well, I lost it! I mean literally lost it. I let everything out - all the stress, anxiety, pressure, tension by screaming - and screaming at the top of my lungs. If anyone was asleep, they weren't any more after that mental breakdown. (There may have been a comment such as "That girl is crazy") After being placed in my "holding pen" - that's what I call it, I was able to settle down a bit. In comes my husband - like a scene from an old western - the sheriff with the guns at his side - goes over to "enemy" territory and begins the peace negotiations with the other family. As the day wore on, tensions managed to settle down. I was able to pick up some more sleep throughout the day. As we were leaving, my husband goes over to say good bye to the other family - man, do they love him. Me, I was not ready to make amends. I knew I needed to, but I thought I'd wait another day..... Well, not until I was "God Smacked"....
I went to Mass that evening in the Chapel here at the hospital. I honestly wasn't expecting that much from Mass, I just knew that going would provide some peace. Boy, was I wrong. It was filled with the message - forget about the past, release your bitterness, and move forward with compassion. Oh boy, I knew what I needed to do then. I told my husband that God just smacked me upside the head. His response was that you have been "God Smacked". Yup, he was right. So, I walked straight upstairs and walked right into "enemy" camp and made my peace with this other family. In order to march that mountain to God, we need to be able to nourish our self with His word - through reading, discussions with friends, Mass. We need this nourishment in order to complete that march. Without His nourishment that He provides for us on a daily basis, we find that bitterness, anger, resentment creep in. We find that those same things weigh us down and we are no longer able to continue that march.
Well, I think the doctor's are right. This writing thing may be a good thing. I do believe I feel a bit better!